The oxford dictionary of Humorous quotations

 The oxford dictionary of Humorous 
                           quotations 
                actors and acting 
1 -on the stage he was natural ,simple ,affecting .it was only that when he was acting .(goldsmith )
2-daddy is reading Shakespere to the blind and mummy is playing shakespere to to the lepers (anne )
3-she is the great lady of thE  American stage .her voice is so beautiful that you  want to understand a word she says (patric campbell )
4 -Acting is merely the art of keeping a large group of people from coughing (ralph richardson )
5-shakspere is so tiring .you never get a chance to sit down unless you are a king (j.hull )
                          advertising 
 1–Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it .(lea lock )
  2–Society drives people crazy with lust and call it advartising .(john lahr ) 
                                 alcohol 
1–best while  you have it use ,your breath .then there is no drinking after death .(j.fletcher )
 2-it is my opinion sir ,that this meeting is drunk sir (lori dickens )
 3- we drink one another’s healths and spoil our own ”(shaw )
 4-  gin was mother’s milk to her ( shaw )
 5–often daddy satup very late working on a case of scotch (r.denchely )
 6-candy is dandy . but liquor is quicker (g.nash )
 7-on being told that the particular drink he was consuming was slow poison so who is hurry ? 
 8–i have taken more out of alcohol ,than alcohol has taken out of me (churchil )
 9–i have got some wine very nice .i wonder how they got the cat to sit on the bottle (s.fry )
                        america’s cans 
 1-A merica is amodel of force and freedom and moderation with allthe coarseness and rudeness of its people (byron )
  2-father’s name was Hezikiah .-mother;s name is anna Meria .yanks through and through -red ,white and blue (cohan  —

  3-i could come back to america to  die -but never never to live (henry james )
  4-in the u.s. there is more space where nobody is than ,where every body is .that is what makes america (agate )
  5-every american woman has the souls to call her own ,the other being her husband ‘s(agate )
  6-california is a fine place to live -if you happen to be an orange (fred allen 0
  7–in America any boy may  become president and i suppose it is just one of the risks he takes (stevnson )
  8–the thing that impresses me most about america is the way parents obey their children (edward 8 ) 
  9–if i had to give a definition of capitalism i would say the process where american girls turn into women (c.humpton )
  10–america is great conspiracy to make you happy ,(john updike )
   11–never criticise americans .they have the best taste that money can buy .(m.kington )
   12– god is republican . santa cruz is democratic for americans 
                                       anger 
 anger makes dull men witty but keeps them poor (bacon )
                          Art 
 1-all that i desire to point out is the general principle that life imitates art far more than art imitates life ”(oscar wilde )                 
2-all the artists in america are gigantic racket run by unscrupulous men for un healthy women (buchman )
3–portrait painters tend to regard faces as not very still lives (a.bennet )
 
                 from my american dairy on 6-8-2002
                 mee –gabbita durga prasad -18-7-13- camp-hyderabad
 

About gdurgaprasad

Rtd Head Master 2-405 Sivalayam Street Vuyyuru Krishna District Andhra Pradesh 521165 INDIA
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