The oxford dictionary of Humorous
quotations
actors and acting
1 -on the stage he was natural ,simple ,affecting .it was only that when he was acting .(goldsmith )
2-daddy is reading Shakespere to the blind and mummy is playing shakespere to to the lepers (anne )
3-she is the great lady of thE American stage .her voice is so beautiful that you want to understand a word she says (patric campbell )
4 -Acting is merely the art of keeping a large group of people from coughing (ralph richardson )
5-shakspere is so tiring .you never get a chance to sit down unless you are a king (j.hull )
advertising
1–Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it .(lea lock )
2–Society drives people crazy with lust and call it advartising .(john lahr )
alcohol
1–best while you have it use ,your breath .then there is no drinking after death .(j.fletcher )
2-it is my opinion sir ,that this meeting is drunk sir (lori dickens )
3- we drink one another’s healths and spoil our own ”(shaw )
4- gin was mother’s milk to her ( shaw )
5–often daddy satup very late working on a case of scotch (r.denchely )
6-candy is dandy . but liquor is quicker (g.nash )
7-on being told that the particular drink he was consuming was slow poison so who is hurry ?
8–i have taken more out of alcohol ,than alcohol has taken out of me (churchil )
9–i have got some wine very nice .i wonder how they got the cat to sit on the bottle (s.fry )
america’s cans
1-A merica is amodel of force and freedom and moderation with allthe coarseness and rudeness of its people (byron )
2-father’s name was Hezikiah .-mother;s name is anna Meria .yanks through and through -red ,white and blue (cohan —
3-i could come back to america to die -but never never to live (henry james )
4-in the u.s. there is more space where nobody is than ,where every body is .that is what makes america (agate )
5-every american woman has the souls to call her own ,the other being her husband ‘s(agate )
6-california is a fine place to live -if you happen to be an orange (fred allen 0
7–in America any boy may become president and i suppose it is just one of the risks he takes (stevnson )
8–the thing that impresses me most about america is the way parents obey their children (edward 8 )
9–if i had to give a definition of capitalism i would say the process where american girls turn into women (c.humpton )
10–america is great conspiracy to make you happy ,(john updike )
11–never criticise americans .they have the best taste that money can buy .(m.kington )
12– god is republican . santa cruz is democratic for americans
anger
anger makes dull men witty but keeps them poor (bacon )
Art
1-all that i desire to point out is the general principle that life imitates art far more than art imitates life ”(oscar wilde )
2-all the artists in america are gigantic racket run by unscrupulous men for un healthy women (buchman )
3–portrait painters tend to regard faces as not very still lives (a.bennet )
from my american dairy on 6-8-2002
mee –gabbita durga prasad -18-7-13- camp-hyderabad
